Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My Mommy Epiphany

I have struggled with my decision for long time to stay at home with my daughters until they reach school age. Here I am 4 years into my decision (minus the press conference, of course) and I have finally found acceptance. Sad right? I know! So I am sure you are probably wondering why I am okay with it now. Well, I am finally starting to see the fruits of my sacrifice and it makes me smile from ear to ear.

I don't take my calling as a Mother lightly. I went through a lot just to have my daughters considering I am not able to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) as easily as others. My decision to stay-at-home all started with strict bedrest prescribed by my Ob for 6 out of the 10 months of pregnancy due to complications that previously resulted in one stillbirth and a miscarriage of twins. Once Makenzie was born, I thought to myself, "So I am supposed to drop her off at 6 weeks into the hands of a stranger... No way, not happening!"

Yes, of course, I could be enjoying my view from a 6x6 cubicle while pushing paper along the line for approval to the "higher-ups" on the 20th floor or dodging blood in extremely messy surgical settings (don't ask), for the sake of saying I have a "real" job. I would much rather enjoy lunch at the zoo and watch my toddler brush a goat for the first time.

So here I am almost 5 years later, driving the same car from college (thanks Dad), cooking majority of the meals we eat, a closet full of clothing staples that never go out of style (Thank God!) and minus the fancy ADULT summer vacations that all of my college buddies take each year. The grass always look greener on the other side anyway. This is okay with me because I have 2 healthy, well-adjusted girls that have been exposed to lots of cultural activities, really cool road trips and a mom that wouldn't trade the experience that we have shared together for anything. I had the opportunity to see every "First" thing Makenzie and Payton would every do and I had (and have) the chance to their true foundation builder.

If I had chosen the other path, I am sure that I probably would have never realized what I missed out on and I would have never been the wiser. No one gets the chance to see "what could have been" like in the movie, The Family Man with Nicolas Cage. It is clear to me that I have lost a lot but I have gained a lot as well. Please understand, I am not knocking the decisions of others; just explaining mine. Do what works for you and your family.

My girls only get one childhood and I have a front row seat!


  1. Everything you say is SO true! I was pregnant with my first daughter when I was only 22--before I had even finished college. I finished school and tried to build a career while juggling being a wife and mother but, ultimately, after having another child, I decided that I was doing a disservice to my family trying to "have it all."

    Like you, I'm not judging other women who DO work outside of the home but, I've found so much joy and fulfillment in raising my kids full-time. I realized, too, that many of the things I thought I wanted were a result of pressure from other people and how I wanted to be perceived. Once I figured out what really matters in this life, I have been much happier and satisfied with life!

    Random side note: It is so funny you mention "Family Man"...I've been trying to watch that movie for the past year or so but Netflix doesn't have it available for streaming!

  2. I am glad you enhjoyed my post Anji! We should get our hands on that movie and watch it some time this holiday season.